Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Black and White Release

Today is a day of lots of blogs. But I just have a lot to say, I guess.

I rekindled a true love today. True love with playing the piano. Strangely enough, I haven't been playing as much lately as I normally do. Tonight however, I just broke down. I HAD to play. I didn't care where. I didn't care that I didn't have any music and that I would be playing the same annoying songs that I always play from my limited memory. I needed to get it out. I had to spill my soul onto those beautiful 88 keys. And even though I was on the super lame Park Plaza lounge piano, it was the best I've felt all day. As silly as it sounds, playing the piano...it's right up there with praying for me. I can express myself fully. I've blogged about this before, so if you really want to know about my musical expression, read it.

Anyways. I don't know why I haven't been playing. Perhaps I've felt pressured? Inadequate? I'm sure its a plethora of reasons. In any case, I need a piano. Or a place to play more often. I used to practice in the basement of the HFAC, but its always so crowded and competitive to get a room down there...I just don't like it.

It's strange how this works....I've spent all day trying not to think. Forcing myself not to. Doing anything I could to keep myself away from my thoughts. I was so happy when I could dance: when I could not think. I think a lot when I'm playing the piano though. But I wanted to. I needed it. I didn't make any decisions or breakthroughs. I just thought. Just went through things in my head. It wasn't the happiest of times. In fact, I spent a lot of that time being quite sad. But I needed it. I let that sadness be translated through the notes. It must be my release. I don't cry. Instead, I play. And that's how I cry. Even if the song I'm playing isn't sad or calm. It just helps. How could it not?

I always have a hard time finding a good closing line for these things. So I think I'll just end with this:
"Be believing. Be happy. Don't get discouraged. Things will work out."
-Gordon B. Hinckley

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