I find it hard to express my feelings through words. That's one thing this blog has taught me. However, I have found one way to express myself, although it is probably less effective than my writing. That sentence didn't make sense to anyone but me. Anyways, what I'm talking about is music.
When I"m playing the piano, I feel like I'm creating my feelings. I've heard it said that music is what feelings sound like. Took the words right out of my mouth.
However, seeing as I'm not the most talented artist, I usually find it easy to express my feelings through the songs of another. Perhaps this is why my itunes collection is so extensive. It may not seem extensive to others, but some of my most played songs seem to reflect me quite accurately. For example, my number one played song is "Belief" by Gavin DeGraw. Here's a few of the lyrics as an example, I suppose.
Belief, makes things real.
Makes things feel, feel alright.
Belief, makes things true.
Things like you, you and I.
Builds from scratch.
Doesn't have to relax, it doesn't need space.
Long live the queen and I'll be the king.
In the collar of grace.
like you stood by me, I will stand by mine, stand by my belief...
I absolutely love this song, as evidenced by the fact that I've listened to it almost 150 times. And I love it for more than just the lyrics. I can't even describe how much I love it.
Now, it's not just through lyrical songs that I express myself. I find that often, I feel the most...connection I suppose, to songs without words. For example, my number 2 played song (137 times) is "The Unaccompanied Cello Suite No. 1 in G Major", played by Yo Yo Ma. I don't know what it is about that song, but it is just....me. Every measure of that song is who I am, what I feel, what I do, how I act, what I think, and so much more.
The most frustrating part about this form of communication is that I never feel like I can adequately express how much it means to me. I feel a deeper connection to music than I do to most human beings. I think the only thing/person that I feel closer to is my Savior. And the best part about that is, I can use music to communicate my love to Him. Often times, when I feel like I just have to talk to the Lord, but I can't find a way to do it in words, I'll just sit down and start playing the piano. I don't even have to speak, but I know that the Lord is understanding what I'm feeling through the expression of my music. It feels like I'm praying. But not only that, its also Him talking back to me. I communicate to Him through my music, but He also communicates to me in a way that I could never describe.
I often find my blog posts go completely astray of what I originally intended on writing when I sat down to write it. However, I'm satisfied with the direction that this one went.