Monday, September 17, 2012

Secret #30

I'm currently on my lunch break at work, eating a pot pie. Usually in the mornings I wake up at the last possible minute, so I don't have time to make myself a lunch for the day. A few weeks back I bought a box of frozen chicken pot pies from Costco in the hopes that one of those would be able to hold me over on the days that I wasn't able to make a lunch (which, consequently, seems to be every day) or convince one of my coworkers that they want to go out to lunch.

I think since I bought them, I've eaten 4 or 5 of them. They've actually got a lot of things in them: chicken, carrots, celery, peas, and onions. And of course the pie itself and the sauce.

The problem is that I don't like peas, onions, or cooked celery. So for the first 2 pies, I had chicken and carrot pot pie. Not too bad. But I kept feeling sick after I finished them and had this weird film on the roof of my mouth. 2 pies ago, I decided to not eat the chicken. This was because I found a particularly sketchy piece in my mouth that felt and tasted like cartilage and nothing else. After closer inspection of the chicken, I discovered that the chicken in these pies is suuuuuper sketchy. Like real bad.

So now, my lunch is a "carrot and sauce" pot pie. The upside to this is that the crust of these pies is really, really good, so I get to taste more of it because there's no other crap in my mouth to interfere with the taste of the crust.

Maybe I should start making lunches for myself...

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Secret #29

1. This is my 200th post. Part of the reason I haven't posted in so long is because I've been trying to decide what to do it about. I gave up. Here it is.

2. I have a few favorite words. Narcoleptic is one of them. Another one..well, let's just say its definition is a little unfortunate, because it's an awesome word. What's the word, you ask? Chlamydia.

Just say it. It's fun.

Saturday, April 7, 2012


Since we got married, Kagan and I have tried to "live off the land" if you will. How do we do this, living in an apartment complex, with no option of a garden or livestock? Let me tell you.

Every morning, I have a breakfast drink. It's fast, easy, and fairly healthy. The most important quality of this meal option is that it is fast. I generally don't have tons of time in the morning, so fast is best. This drink is usually consumed in the car, while on the way to work. I don't know if you've ever drank (drunk? I don't really know) out of a glass in a moving vehicle, but it's incredibly difficult. The perfect solution: drink out of a straw.

Another situation: I don't like ketchup. Kagan does, but he doesn't often eat things that he wants ketchup with. We don't really want to buy ketchup, just because Kagan eats it so rarely at home.

Here's the connection between the two: whenever we go out to eat at a fast food place, we just take a few extra straws, or maybe a couple packets of ketchup (ok, maybe more than a few), as our needs may be.

So, you see? We are living off the land. Being resourceful, if you will. I've never had to buy straws, and we've never bought a bottle of ketchup. However, our needs are met. Can't beat that.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Adventures in Texting

Tonight Kagan received a text from a random number, and I decided to have a conversation with this person. The following is a transcript of our conversation (almost exactly as it happened, grammar, spelling mistakes, and all):

Mandy: Hey its mandy cynthia gave me ur number

Mandy: cynthia said to txt you

Brooklyn: Um, I dont know why cynthia told you to text me, but we're not friends anymore

Mandy: u and cynthia

Brooklyn: yeah. She ate my last piece of shepherd's pie and that was it. straw that broke the camel's back.

Mandy: that's weird she sent me a pic that she drew that said i luv alex shes made at me for saying yes

Brooklyn: well that's her problem, not ours. i'm a little confused, tho. why did she want you to text me?

M:because she wanted me to ask u if u liked her

B: well i think it's a bit obvious how i feel, don't you?

M: ya it is she thinks you got dared to ask me out and my cousin wants to see a pic of you

B: do you think i got dared to ask you out? i cant send a pic my camera is broke. find me on facebook.

M: okay whats ur last name and idk if u were or not

B:i cant believe you said yes to go out with me and you dont even know my last name. ask cynthia. she knows.

M: well no i dont know just tell me

B (in an attempt to change the subject): my mom bought me a tarantula today and i think it just bit me. are tarantulas poisonous? I'm worried where it bit me might fall off

M: Ur a dork and i have no idea

B: no seriously. this is a pretty vital body part.

M: dont want to know and whats ur last name please tell me

B: muhahaha this is too fun. never telling. i'll tell you tomorrow when i see you. how about that?

M: Ur mean im on fb so just tell me please

B: you're on facebook all the time, not like it's anything new

M: How did u know that

B: you just give off that vibe. enough about me. tell me something about you that i dont know.

M: u ask ill answer

B: ok. do you think my muscles are big enough?

M: I dont havent seen um

B: it's not like i only every wear long-sleeved turtlenecks. i'm sure you've taken a little peek before at least once

M: nope when i met u u had a jacket on

B: speaking of you ever feel trapped? I do. have you ever had a dream to do something other than what's expected of you? I just feel so trapped and want someone who will understand me...

M:(picture message of a completely black picture) Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Forward this message to 15 people and then look back at the picture. at first you will just see black, but if you forward this message, the photo will reveal the name of your true love. If u dont forward you will never know your true love. Try it it actually works unlike all of the other forwards like this. So if you want to know the love of your life just forward it to 15 people.

M: Nice and any other questions

B: those things actually work, you know. once i didnt forward one of those messages and it actually came true. I puked up a small rodent and it infected my entire elementary school with influenza. worst 4th grade ever.

B: ok. ever been married?

M: nice

M: no thx ive dated alot of guys and made out and kissed but no married

B: why not? I knew a guy who had been married 3 times by the time he was your age. he was a polygamist though, so that could have had something to do with it. at least, i think he was your age. how old are you again?

M: 12

B: wow you look a lot younger. when i asked you out i thought you were 11.

M: no

B: weird. so what do you do for fun?

B (after like 15 minutes of no response): was that a bad question? how about...would you rather live in the shirt pocket of a sweaty giant, or in his shower drain?

M: that wasnt a bad question i was showering i play football for fun and softball

B: what about the sweaty giant?

M: shirt pocket

B: and why is that?

M: i dont know sooooo any other questions

B: have you ever had someone text you thinking they were texting a guy they liked and then you played along just for fun?...

M: nope by the way u act like a third or fourth grader its really weird do you swear

B: I dont think you got it. I hate to break it to you mandy, but my name's not alex. it's brooklyn, and I'm a 23 year-old recent college grad. I've had a fun time talking to you, and good luck with cynthia and alex.

M: Haha real funny

If you ask me, this was a good use of my time tonight. What do you think? :)

Monday, March 12, 2012

Secret #28

I think that people who adamantly oppose evolution only do it for one reason: they don't understand evolution in and of itself. Sure, they know the "basics," but that does not mean they understand it. Whether it's because they are unintentionally, or, as is usually the case, very purposefully uninformed, I really honestly believe that if they simply knew what it really was, they would see how simple, easy, and logical it is.

And, most importantly, evolution does not have to attack whatever God you happen to worship. I believe in God very much, and I also believe in evolution very much. There are no problems here.

If you happen to be one of those people...stop making arguments with your eyes wide shut. Take some time to learn, with an open mind, about evolution, and you'll see it's really not that bad. At all.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Pets vs. Babies

As the end of our housing contract approaches, Kagan and I have been discussing whether we want to renew and continue living where we currently are, or if we want to move. We decided that the only way we would move is if we found a place that was about the same price (or better, less) as our place (including utilities, which is difficult since the cost of our internet is included in our rent), in a good location, about the same size as our place, and, here's the clincher: allows pets. Yes, Kagan and I want to get a pet. Specifically, a dog.

I could go into the discussion of whether we really should get a dog or not, but that's not what we're here to talk about. We're here to talk about pet policies of apartments in Provo/Orem.

I'll start by saying this: it is incredibly difficult to find a place in Provo that allows pets, let alone a place that allows pets and isn't super expensive. No one wants to let you have pets in their apartments. I can understand that they don't want your dog to pee/poop all over the carpet or chew up the baseboards, puke up all its dog food on the carpet, etc. I get that.

Here's what I don't get: why do apartments not allow pets, but they DO allow people to have children in their homes? They're just as, if not more destructive than pets. Sure, a dog may poop or pee on your carpet, but unless it's got a pretty bad case of the runs, it's easy to clean up. Dogs generally aren't dumb enough to sit down in their poop and drag it all over the house, or to roll in it and dig it into the carpet. Oh no. Dogs would hardly ever do that.

But a child? Those things love poop. They have no problems reaching down the back of their diaper and grabbing a handful of whatever happens to be in there, and then drawing you a nice, incredibly smelly and hard to remove picture on your walls and carpet. And baby poop stinks. Not like dog poop doesn't stink, but baby poop is, 90% of the time, raunchy.

Then you have the issue of baby puke. Dogs puke. Occasionally it may get in your carpet and yeah, it stinks. You clean it up, and generally the smell goes away. If it doesn't, shampoo your carpets. Problem solved. However, how often do dogs puke? If there's something really wrong with your dog, maybe once a month.

But babies? They puke like every hour, on the hour, and every half hour in between that. And then it gets in your carpet, and boy, does that stuff stink. Sure, you can clean it up or even shampoo your carpet, but that stuff is lasting. Plus, you can't shampoo your carpet every day. You might as well just replace your carpet once a month. Let me tell you, I've gone to far more baby owners' homes whose houses smell like rotten milk (baby throw up) than dog owners homes whose houses smell like dirty nasty dog smell.

My point is this: what the heck, Provo? This is ridiculous.

Please, Provo, give me a place to live that is the criteria we're looking for. I will be forever grateful.

Thursday, February 9, 2012


I feel bad that I hardly ever post anymore. Unfortunately, my life is slightly less-varied than it used to be. Rather than getting inspiration for posts from weird BYU students, my inspiration now comes from my slightly normal co-workers, my "office" (quotes because I don't know if I can really call it an office. It's where I do my work, but it's also a storage room for tables, t-shirts, and other odds and ends. Maybe it's a storofice. Yep, made that word up just now. I originally had storfice, but I like that it has the word orifice in it now.), and my husband. Those are pretty much the only things that I interact with on a daily basis. Working 40 hours a week in an office has its perks, but inspiration for blog posts is not included in those perks.

Lately I've been thinking of things to blog about but have been working and can't just drop everything to get on my blog and write whilst getting paid to do exactly not that. That would be dishonest, and while I enjoy the interspersed sarcastic fib, I don't generally indulge in stealing time and money from my company. Maybe I'll devote a pad of post-it's to blog ideas...

We'll see.

Friday, February 3, 2012


Here's something I've been wanting to talk about but have been to embarrassed what the reactions will be of the people I tell (mainly my husband and my mother). I don't want people to know. So here I am, posting on the internet about it because...well, there's no people on the internet, right? Right?

Here goes: I'm not going to grad school. I didn't even turn in my application. The deadline was February 1st and the night before I remember thinking to myself, "Maybe I should finish it and turn it in even though I don't have a professor to work with." Then I justified not doing it by remembering that I already blew $70 on a GRE Subject test that I decided I didn't want to take, and I would just be blowing $50 on this application, because the odds of me getting accepted without having a professor who wants me to work with him is just about slim to none. Then I remembered that if I didn't apply then I would have wasted another $70 on the GRE that I took but that now will go toward nothing since I'm not going to grad school.

Needless to say, there has been a lot of justifying going on in my head, both for and against going to grad school. However, that's how it's been since I started considering the possibility that I would go, so I'm fairly used to it.

In the end, it came down to this: is this really something that I'm willing to put myself through? I have absolutely no desire to go to grad school. None. After talking to professors and some grad students, I've come to realize that grad school is already awful and miserable enough, you don't want to do it if you're not doing something that you're really passionate about. And honestly...I can't think of anything that I would be able to study at BYU that I am truly and honestly passionate about studying for 2+ years. It seems like the things I am interested in change so rapidly that I don't think I could commit to doing the same thing for that long. Right now, I would love nothing more than to study dogs. Yes, the domesticated canine that you have sitting on your lap or on the floor next to you as you read this (if that is the case I am incredibly jealous, by the way. I want a dog more than anything). It's strange, but I love dogs and want to learn all I can about them. I was so interested in behavioral ecology while in school, and it's something that I'm still interested in, but I don't have a particular animal that I want to study, which is what I would have done in grad school.

I feel like this is the right decision. Even if it's not, there's really nothing that I can do about it since the deadline has passed, but that is beside the point. I've been on the lookout for job opportunities, and have even applied and interviewed for a few. Until then, I have a good job that I like, working with people I love. That's good enough for me.