Tuesday, October 28, 2008


BBC went a little crazy today with the 'quotes'. I have a thing that loads on my window that will show me the latest news stories of the day. I opened this one, simply because...well, take a look first.

I was a little curious as to how this boy had been 'killed'. What happens when you're 'killed'? Apparently you just die....same as being killed. Weird.

So anyways, I went to look at some more of the stories, and I realized--like every other story had the quotes on it! Look at this.

What does it mean when you 'open a naval base'? Does it exist in Narnia?
Or what exactly is a 'murder plot'? Were they only planning on 'killing' him?
What happens if I want a 'full' artificial heart transplant? I thought usually they only gave you like half a heart, or sometimes they just stop most of the way through the surgery and tell you that you're done.

Really, if you're going to 'quote' someone, just quote the whole thing. Or think of your own words. It's called a thesaurus.

Black and White Release

Today is a day of lots of blogs. But I just have a lot to say, I guess.

I rekindled a true love today. True love with playing the piano. Strangely enough, I haven't been playing as much lately as I normally do. Tonight however, I just broke down. I HAD to play. I didn't care where. I didn't care that I didn't have any music and that I would be playing the same annoying songs that I always play from my limited memory. I needed to get it out. I had to spill my soul onto those beautiful 88 keys. And even though I was on the super lame Park Plaza lounge piano, it was the best I've felt all day. As silly as it sounds, playing the piano...it's right up there with praying for me. I can express myself fully. I've blogged about this before, so if you really want to know about my musical expression, read it.

Anyways. I don't know why I haven't been playing. Perhaps I've felt pressured? Inadequate? I'm sure its a plethora of reasons. In any case, I need a piano. Or a place to play more often. I used to practice in the basement of the HFAC, but its always so crowded and competitive to get a room down there...I just don't like it.

It's strange how this works....I've spent all day trying not to think. Forcing myself not to. Doing anything I could to keep myself away from my thoughts. I was so happy when I could dance: when I could not think. I think a lot when I'm playing the piano though. But I wanted to. I needed it. I didn't make any decisions or breakthroughs. I just thought. Just went through things in my head. It wasn't the happiest of times. In fact, I spent a lot of that time being quite sad. But I needed it. I let that sadness be translated through the notes. It must be my release. I don't cry. Instead, I play. And that's how I cry. Even if the song I'm playing isn't sad or calm. It just helps. How could it not?

I always have a hard time finding a good closing line for these things. So I think I'll just end with this:
"Be believing. Be happy. Don't get discouraged. Things will work out."
-Gordon B. Hinckley

Monday, October 27, 2008


I hate it when I have a really good idea for something to post on here, but I'm not in a place where I can just write it down, and then I forget it.

I'm praying for inspiration today, cuz it was really good, believe me.

I've been thinking a lot today. I haven't been able to do anything else. And I haven't been thinking about school (which probably isn't a good thing, seeing as I've been in classes all day and I took a test today). The only times today that I have been carefree and happy were when I was dancing. Can I dance all day long? Then I wouldn't have to think, I wouldn't have to be weighed down by...everything. What a life that would be. Just dancing in my apartment though...that's a little weird. And not as good. And I'd end up thinking because it wouldn't be structured. Wednesday will be another chance to let go and just dance. I can't wait.

I don't know when things will be okay. I have an estimate, or at least a deadline. I know that in 18 days, things will be at least a little bit better, because Jeff gets home. Granted, I don't get to see him for a few weeks after he gets home, but at the same time...I can call him and just talk. He can tell me that things will be okay. Even if they aren't, it's just so easy to believe Jeff. He makes me so happy. (in a completely non-romantic way. People always ask me if there's something going on there. At least on my end, there's nothing. I'm sure he feels the same way. Just to clarify).

I need my best friend back.

Friday, October 24, 2008


Can I post a song on here? I really think it's the best/only way for me to actually convey my current emotion.

Well, since I don't know how, although I'm sure its a possibility, I will attempt to tell about what I'm feeling. I guess you could say that I am content. Serene. Peaceful. Happy. The song that I would like to put on here is the Clair de Lune. I love that song. It's so peaceful and calming (perhaps why I feel this way--I'm listening to the song right now).

I think fall just does this to me though. Something about fall just makes me so happy. Even though the weather isn't quite as warm as I wish it was, it's still fall. The leaves are changing colors and falling (which provides limitless entertainment for me; I absolutely love stepping on crunchy leaves), the air just smells different, and fall just brings a kind of anticipation for me. Fall and spring seem to be the intermediary seasons, the ones that merge the two extremes of summer and winter. Whether you like the extreme that is coming, this anticipatory season just makes you eager for the oncoming change. At least it does to me. I'm not the biggest fan of winter (I probably wouldn't join its group on Facebook), but it does have its perks. Christmas, sledding, hot chocolate, fires, and hobo gloves (the ones that have the ends of the fingers cut off and the mitten part that you can pull over the top), among other things. I don't know if I can really say what it is that fall does, but it makes me happy at least.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008


Well, I guess I just feel like its been awhile since I've written. I currently have yet to really think of something to write about, but I think I gained a little inspiration by visiting the house of the Lord this evening.

First off, its kinda funny, but mostly sad, how quickly you can forget things. I wanted so badly to write down what I was thinking about while I was there, but I forgot to bring a pen and paper, so I was down on my luck there. But it's ok. Note to self: next time, bring something to write on. Normally I do, I was just being silly this time.

Secondly, I really hate going somewhere you find so special and sacred to you (that's not the end of the sentence, don't worry) and have someone there completely disregard that, and pretty much ruin the experience for you. There was a man sitting in front of me in the chapel who was humming the entire time I was there. I had to read the same verse probably 6 times in order to really get it, because I just couldn't tune him out! And then he decided that it was ok to talk to the man next to him about whether or not so-and-so was trying out for the Christmas choir, etc. I could hardly believe this man. Could that really not wait? I hope that I don't go places and make other people feel this way. Or at least, if I do, that they tell me.

I don't mean to be mean or angry. Just a thought I suppose. Perhaps I have prevented one of you from humming while in the temple and interrupting someone else's spiritual experience. I hope so.

Lastly, I would like to share something that I have been thinking about lately. How much better would our world be if we all took the time to help just one person every day? Personally, I try to look for opportunities to help someone as I walk around on campus, sit in classes, or am just at work. What can I do to make someone's day better? I think if the world needs anything, it needs for people to stop for just a moment and look outside themselves to see the needs of others for just a moment. I feel like I should be standing on a stage in an outrageous gown with my hair frizzed up to high heaven and loads of makeup on, with a tiara and a Miss America sash around me, but honestly, I truly believe that one person, perhaps even you or I, can make a difference in this world. Even if the difference is only to one person, then perhaps they make the difference to another, and then another.

This reminds me of the movie Pocahontas, where Grandmother Willow shows Pocahontas and John Smith something. She dips one of her branches into the river, and of course, it makes a ripple. Then she says this: "So small at first, but look how they grow! But someone has to start them...Sometimes, the right path is not the easiest one."

I hope that by doing something for someone, I can start a ripple. It may not be the easiest thing to do, but it is certainly worth it.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008


It seems I can't please everyone. First, I get complaints about not enough pictures. Then, once I post the pictures, I get complaints that they're not good pictures. So, in an attempt to appease the masses, I'm putting up pictures of the latest food-related activity in my life. Stephen and I made smoothies, and we made a face with the fruit! Enjoy :)

Apparently the contrast of color between strawberries and kiwis is very aesthetically pleasing. I might have to agree about that one....

Here's me and Stephen with our creation.

Turns out taking a picture of two people holding a bowl of fruit and smiling is a lot harder than it sounds. We had a few takes, and I picked this one because Stephen so accurately represented the face we had created in the bowl.

Well, that's all you get.
Stephen, I hope you're happy and that I have properly represented you now. For the rest of y'all, I hope you're now jealous of how much fun my life is. :)

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Never Say No (at least not to me)

I like to share the things I learn about myself on this blog. Well, I've discovered another thing about myself as of late. I hate being told no. But more importantly, I absolutely loathe people telling me that I can't do something (as in like I'm not able, that I lack the skill or ability to do something, not like that I can't break the rules kind of thing). Whenever someone tells me that I can't do something, whether it be big or small, something ticks in my head, and I will do everything in my power to do exactly what they told me I couldn't. I HAVE to prove them wrong.

For example, a few years ago, I was dating this guy, and he was asking me about what my plans were for the coming year. I told him how I had wanted to go to the Jerusalem Center, and if I didn't make it into that, I was thinking about transferring schools so that I could take up cheerleading again. Well, he told me that I wouldn't make it in to the Jerusalem Center (look how wrong he was about that one. I was already set on going, but I knew I had to prove him wrong, too), and he told me that I didn't have the physical ability anymore to do cheerleading, that I wasn't fit enough or strong enough or good enough. Granted, this isn't the best example because I didn't end up transferring schools to do cheerleading and to prove him wrong, but that was simply because it would not have been a logical decision at all, and also because if I switched schools, I wouldn't be able to go to the Jerusalem Center, which was my number one priority. However, if the opportunity had presented itself, I would have worked my butt off to make the team, not only to prove him wrong, but because that's just how I work.

The other day, I was told I couldn't do something. I realized this fact about myself today, as I sat at work trying to figure out everything I could do to prove this person wrong. I haven't set my plan into action yet, but I am determined, and I will be right.

Another thing about me that I already knew, but is reinforced by this experience: I am usually a pretty laid-back, indifferent, and agreeable person, but there are a few things that I am very passionate about, and you don't mess with me about those things. This happens to be one of those things.

Finally, on a completely unrelated note, I have found this saying to be quite true lately.
When it rains, it pours.
That's all that needs to be said about that, but lately, nothing could be more true about my life. Not that it's a bad thing at all, but just a thought.

Monday, October 13, 2008


My mom complained that I don't put any pictures on here or my facebook, so here's some pictures from the football game this last weekend.

This was taken right before a touchdown. Woot!

These are the guys I was standing next to, some friends from the Jerusalem Center. Its Kerry, Danny, and Ryan.

This is my whole group, aka a bunch of my Jerusalem friends.

This is me and Stephen. Not the best picture of either of us, seeing as he was talking and I was laughing, but it's the only one I have of us. :)

Well, that's it for now. Yay for life!

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Lesson of the Day

I knew my fears had no base. I learned today that some people's emotions just aren't as apparent as mine, at least not at first. It was a good thing to learn. :)

Monday, October 6, 2008


I have this fear lurking in the back of my head, all day long, every day, every week, etc etc etc. What that fear is in particular is not important, but...how do you make it stop? I'm pretty sure it's one of those things that I shouldn't be so worried about, but I feel like I read into every little thing and analyze it to the point of exhaustion, where I am so frustrated with myself I can hardly stand to be in my own head.

Sometimes I feel like I invest myself so fully into every situation that I get into, and quite often it doesn't work out. It's just the way life works, but I guess it's just getting tiring and old these days. Does everyone get as invested as I do? Perhaps I just don't see it. I should stop and take a look around and see what everyone else is doing. Sounds like a good idea to me.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

What could I title this?...

So, things have been going...completely awesome, really. I'm hesitant to say much more than that, because I always think of the movie Moulin Rouge, when Harold says, "Everything's going so well!!" and from that point on, everything that could go wrong, does. I know that it's a silly movie line, and that saying something like that probably doesn't mean that something bad is going to happen, but...well, I'll put it this way: I'm not superstitious, I'm just a little stitious (if you don't know what that's from....start watching the Office).

I guess I'm just so used to things only working out for so long and then something goes awry and everything gets ruined. However, I have been so good lately about things that I always used to struggle with. I haven't gotten into things too much or too quickly, and it wasn't because I told myself I had to hold back. It's just been happening naturally. I'm being myself. I've never been told more times that I am so weird, but I choose to continue to be myself. I can think of very few, if any, things that I have done where I look back and think, "I would normally never do that, but I felt like I needed to do it to fulfill some kind of expectation or to try to fit in." It's an amazing feeling.

I feel great about where I am, what I'm doing, and the direction that I'm going.