Secret #10

I think if you have Facebook, you stalk people. It's just a fact of life.

Sometimes...I stalk myself.

Advice on Torturing

I love giving talks in church. I really, really do.

But would you like to know how to torture me?

Give me a topic (say, the importance of family) that is nearly impossible to relate to single, 20's college students, and ask me to give a talk on it.

I can't speak about something I'm not passionate about. I just can't. And it's not that I'm not passionate about my family, because I am.

But it seems that all the stuff in the scriptures, on lds.org, and in every General Conference talk and lesson book that I can get my hands on is about getting married (something I refuse to talk about), raising a family (something that no one in my ward is doing, minus the members of the bishopric), and spending time with family (something nearly impossible for most of us to do, seeing as we're at college and not anywhere near our families). It seems so unnecessary to lecture anyone in my ward about getting married--we get that enough at BYU, and definitely to talk to them about raising children, because none of us have children!

I've spent hours upon hours on this talk. It's not getting anywhere.

Wish me luck tomorrow.

Scars

A line from one of my favorite songs recently is:

"Covered with scars I did nothing to earn.
Maybe somewhere there's a lesson to learn."

I think there's so much, just in that.

I've always loved having scars. I have one on my wrist that I'm particularly fond of, and one on my knee as well. They've all got stories behind them. I have one on my finger from when a friend sliced me with a razor blade while we were scraping paint off a board in high school. I have one just next to my eye where my dog bit me when I was little. I have one just under my eyebrow that helps me to know where my brow line goes when I pluck my eyebrows. The list goes on.

However, I think at some point in our lives, we all feel that we have scars we did nothing to earn. Sometimes, bad things just happen to good people. It's one of life's great mysteries.

I've blogged about this many times. You've read them before. It's nothing new. Find a way to be happy. Look for the good in things. Trust in the Lord. Have faith.

I'm not sure that I know of a new way to write it. Maybe later in the week I'll come across an experience that allows me to relate the idea somehow, and then I'll write about it.

But for now, I can't help but think of those scars. I never asked for them, but got them anyway. The problem with scars is, they never go away. Sure, they may fade a bit over time, but they're always with you. You can always see it, and sometimes you can even still feel it. And there's the irony.

I love being able to see and feel my physical scars. However, I could do without those others, but they seem to be the ones that we all feel and see the most. The trick is, finding a way to stop cutting the wound back open. All it does is make a deeper scar, in the end.

I hate sad blog posts. I hate whiney blog posts, and I hate blog posts that make me feel pathetic.

Looks like I hate this blog post.

And the verdict is...

Well, I saw the specialist today. He didn't really tell me much I didn't already know...he showed me a model of a skull and how the jaw bone works, then took an x-ray of my jaw.

Your jaw bone/joint sits in a groove in your skull, and some people have a much narrower groove than others. I happen to be one of those people, so my jaw bone can slip out of the groove more easily than it does for some others.

The diagnosis is that I just need to rest and let my joint heal, so I still have to eat soft foods and not open my mouth wide. Along with this, I have to alternate ice and heat on my joint for 2 hours every day, and he gave me a prescription to help lessen the inflammation, which is what's causing most of my discomfort. After taking them this afternoon, my jaw felt a lot better, and much more natural than it has since the dislocation, which is definitely a good thing. It's still hard to chew, and I think it'll be a few weeks before I can see a dentist for my papers, but at least it's not months. So now I just have to be patient and careful.

Update

Well faithful readers (all three of you), I guess it's time for me to tell you what's going on.

On Thursday night, I dislocated my jaw. It happened while I was yawning; don't fret yourself about you yawning and dislocating your jaw, though: I've had problems with my jaw for awhile now, and I've dislocated it before, but this time was worse than it had ever been. My entire jaw bone had popped out of both sockets, and I could feel that my jaw bones had moved into my upper cheeks. My roommate took me to the hospital, my mouth gaping wide open, and she didn't even make fun of me once, bless her heart.

We got to the Emergency Room, me with a towel over my mouth, and my roommate telling them what happened to me, seeing as I couldn't talk. We waited for about 20 minutes, they got me into a room, put me under, and relocated it while I was out. They had to put me under because my muscles were spasming so much, which is really the only thing that made the dislocation painful. When it first happened, it didn't hurt at all, and was more scary than anything, because I couldn't fix it like I'd been able to do before, but the longer it was stuck open, the more my muscles spasmed, and the more it hurt.

None of the doctors in the ER had ever seen anything like it. I had probably 3 or 4 doctors come in and feel my jaw, just because they had never seen it happen to anyone, and there were probably 5 or 6 nurses who just came in looking shocked.

So, my state as of this moment is that I'm not in much pain, just a bit of discomfort. I can open my mouth just wide enough to see about a finger's width of space between my teeth, and I can only eat soft foods, which has proved to be quite a challenge for me. I've craved steak, pizza, Costa Vida, burritos, Taco Bell, cookies, and the list goes on. Just about anything you can chew, I'd love to eat it but can't. I have an appointment with an Oral Maxillofacial surgeon on Tuesday, and he will be able to tell me more about the situation. From what little I know, however, my jaw will never be the same. The surgeon can give me some treatments that can help some, but now that I've dislocated it as bad as I have, I'm much more susceptible dislocating it again. In essence, I just have to be really careful what I do with my jaw for...the rest of my life.

I will post more again on Tuesday or Wednesday once I know more about the situation, but I thank all of you for your prayers and your help through all of this. It will more than likely delay my papers for a bit, which has been hard for me to deal with, but I will go when the Lord wants me to go. This was obviously something He wanted me to take care of before I left, and He knows best, so I'm just going to trust in Him and He will lead me through.

Secret #9

I own more articles of clothing that were made and intended for little boys than I do pairs of jeans that actually fit me, textbooks for this semester, or doctors who helped me in the emergency room tonight.

Secret #8

I was talking to a friend today about soul mates...

And how they don't exist.

What we ended up deciding is that who you end up with just comes down to luck, really.

And that's when I realized that that's why so many 18 year-old girls get married at BYU:

Beginner's luck.

Secret #7

Have you ever received (or seen) a text such as this?

"Its cool sou like ball thats cool soil b29 nov7th im waitin4a job2 open up@ the u of u fora cardiology tech soi quit my job awhile back when my sister n her hubby hada baby he had2 go back2 work right away soi helped her outa lot soi live with my parents i had2 move ini couldnt afford rent without workin while i took care of my sis n her baby she was not well@ having ethan soi had2b their alot but alls good now soim hanging out waiting4a job2 open up iluv2b active workout camping dancing im gonna start taking acting classes iluv2 watch tv movies funny movies spooky ones2 iluv boating i wanna geta 4 wheeler really bad iluv2 talk alot get2 know other people get2 gether witha buncha people ndo whatever just hangout tell me@u"

(This is an actual text, copied from a blog that I read. I will not attempt to translate it.)

Or, how about some of these "cookie cutter texts" I found on a website?

"D thief stole a calNdA . He got 12 Mths" (The thief stole a calendar. He got 12 months)

"yday I seen ur splitting img, he/she lOkd jst lk U!!!!" (Yesterday I seen (yes, seen) your spitting image, he/she looked just like you!!1superfluous exclamation points!!)

"wht doez a 6T year old mn wair boxrz or briefz ? depends" (This one is supposed to be a joke, apparently. It says: "What does a 60 year-old man wear, boxers or briefs? Depends." This one really gets me, and with one simple word: wair. WAIR.)

Or, perhaps you've seen something like this, on popular networking sites like Facebook, MySpace, or Twitter:

"GRUDGeS aRe a wasTe Of tRuE haPpInEsS (LAUGH) wHeN u CAN aND ApOlOgIzE wHeN u sHOuLd AND *****LET***** Go oF wHatEvER U CANT cHaNG3 LoVe DeePLy aNd fORgive aUiCKlY...take CHANCES..(GIvE) EVERYTHING..AND HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO *REgReTs* LifE is waY tO shOrT tO bE UNHAPPY..tAkE In The gOod wIth tHE baD anD (smil3) WheN uR saD lOVE wHat U geT aNd alWayS rEmeBeMBR wHat U had...U sHOuLD aLwaYS fORgive But NeVer fORgeT LeaRN fROm ur MIsTakES...pEOplE cHaNGe AND tHIngS gO wRonG bUt aLwaYS remeMbeR liFe GoeS on...sO lAUgh ouT loUd anD loVe wiTh aLL uR ♥ AnD NevEr TAke ANyTHinG for GranTeD."

I think that's enough. That one is also real, by the way, and it's only about a tenth of the entire paragraph/run-on sentence written by this girl. However, I had to copy it on here by hand; it only took me about 20 minutes. I think the girl who wrote it had her epileptic little brother press the shift key at random when she was typing. Speaking from experience, this is certainly NOT the most convenient, easy, or natural way to type. Why anyone would willingly choose to do it is so far beyond me, I have absolutely no hope to ever understand it.

Another of these fads that I don't understand is adding letters to words that don't change the way the word sounds. For example:

activeeee (active)

friendddd (friend)
crazzzzy (crazy)

gayyy (gay)

You notice that these letters are often at the ends of words. There are a lot of possibilities, but my brain hurts just coming up with those three words.

Along the same lines, people will add letters to the word that actually would change the way it sounds, but apparently those letters don't actually change the sound of the word:

Yessssss

Hollaaaaaa

Woooooooooot

Another trend I don't seem to understand is the shift from pluralizing a word with the letter 's' to doing it with a 'z'. When did this happen? More importantly, who decided it was okay?? (E.G. LOLZCATZ)

This next trend, I'll have to admit, I was once a part of. It's the "lol" trend. For those who read this blog and don't know what it means (aka my mom), 'lol' stands for 'laughing out loud', and is yet another texting/chatting lingo that should be banned. It's overused, and hardly ever used in a context where laughing out loud would actually be something happening in the situation. For example, a Facebook status from an unnamed friend of mine: "[Name] says: If anyone knows someone leavin back for provo after christmas let me know! I need a ride back to school!! Lol. :)" I hardly doubt this person would be laughing out loud if he/she couldn't find a ride back to school. It just doesn't fit with the context of the sentence or topic at all. I think 'lol' has become the 'like' or 'um' of the texting world. Don't know what to say? Can't think of something witty? No worries, you have an easy solution. Just respond with "Lol," it works every time.

Wrong.

And people wonder why their kids can't spell, write (like a normal human being), communicate, or graduate from high school.

Secret #6

I hate crowded places.

This isn't claustrophobia. Places like elevators don't bother me.

It's the crowd in and of itself that bothers me. This is the same reason I hate driving in Provo (or most places in general), pushing the cart in the grocery store, or just the grocery store all together. If there's an aisle I need to go down, but there are three or four (or more) people in said aisle, even if I am without a cart, I will skip the aisle and come back later.

A few days ago Sam and I went to the grocery store. I especially hate the grocery store during the first week of any semester, because the shelves are devoid of everything you need, and there are a million people there. I, against my own will, went into a row to get a bag of bagels. There were 5 people in this half-the-length-of-a-normal-row row. I got in there, grabbed the first bag of bagels I saw, and literally pushed people out of my way to get out of there. Sam tried to ask me something as this all happened; at least that's what she told me afterward. I have no recollection of it ever happening. I was too focused on getting in, getting out, and having to touch as few people as possible in the process.

The north hall of the JSB (at least, right after my New Testament class) is the absolute worst. It makes me feel like I'm in a German cattle car in the 1940s. I can't get out of there fast enough.

I really don't know what it is. I just hate crowds.

Secret #5

Sometimes, I forget to breathe.

That sounds like a cheesy line from a sappy chick flick.

But really, it is how it sounds. A lot of times when I dance, I'm concentrating, and realize after I finish that I'd been holding my breath for much of it. Today, I noticed on at least 3 occasions that I would say something to someone and at the end of the last word take a big gulp of air, and then, for some unknown reason, hold my breath.

It's not like I hold my breath so long that I'd pass out or anything. It's just weird to catch yourself not breathing.

The last 2 years

I've had my computer for 2 years now.

The main thing I do with my computer is listen to music; I'm the kind of person who always has music playing.

Today, I did a little math. I have listened to various songs 38,541 times (as of this very moment, although I'm currently listening to music, and that number is steadily increasing) in the last 2 years. And that doesn't count the hundreds, if not thousands of songs that I listened to most of but skipped the last 10 seconds, songs from my ipod, songs I listened to while practicing dance, and the probably hundreds (again, if not thousands) of songs I've listened to on YouTube and Pandora. So, we'll round up to 40,000, which is probably a great underestimation (as noted by my roommate, who experiences this music playing), but we'll go with it.

There are 730 days in 2 years. Do the math, and that's just under 55 songs a day. We'll say an average song is 3 and a half minutes long. If that assumption is correct, that means that on average, every one of my days in the past 2 years has included 3.208 hours of music in it. That's only 13% of my day. However, think about it:

We'll assume that I spend 7 hours sleeping. That's 29% of my day right there, in which music cannot be a part.

We'll also assume that I spend roughly 4 hours a day in classes, during which I can't listen to music. That's 17%.

All together, those equal 46%. Nearly half of my day is spent doing things where listening to music isn't an option.

I also just realized that I spend roughly 6 hours a week practicing dance, if not more. We'll add enough to make it 4.5 hours.

I work 20 hours a week, and I usually spend 90% of my time there listening to music. That adds 2.9 hours to the number.

7.4 hours spent listening to music out of 24 hours in a day is 31%, and 7.4 our of 13 (24 minus the hours spent sleeping and in class) is 57%.

Fifty-seven percent* of my available time is spent listening to music.

I do not have a problem with this.

*Not a definite number. May actually be more or less; my guess would be more.