I'm not quite sure how to say any of what I'm thinking right now.
Have you ever felt so conflicted within yourself, that you fear that the two halves of you might tear apart permanently, because they seem to be such polar opposites?
Do you think I'll tear in half vertically, or horizontally?
I cannot make a decision. I have, in essence, two options. Each seems so appealing, enticing, alluring, while at the same time, each has consequences that will potentially bring me great sadness (along with great happiness as well). The positive aspects of each option seems to have what the other is lacking. What I must decide is: what can I live with, and what can't I live without? (I guess also what I can't live with and what I can live without, but they're pretty much all intertwined anyway, right?) How do I decide?
I wish that I could pursue both options at the same time. This is, however, completely impossible. It would include emotional trauma not only for myself, but for others involved. The worst part is how interconnected they are in my head, but how I have to find a way to make them not so, when making my decision. Neither option can influence my decision with the other.
It seems that I love posting cryptic blogs. :)
1 comment:
The best journal I've ever kept, was a conversation between two parts of me. There were one line conversations like:
You don't really want to do that do you?
Yes I do?
Why?
and so on. It really helped me ask myself questions to determine why I wanted some things, or if I just thought I wanted them, and if it was worth it considering the consequences.
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