Thursday, February 5, 2009

Lost

I feel so...lost. Dancing has always been my release. The thing that I turned to when I was hurt, confused, and sad. Or, when I was feeling the opposite end of the spectrum: happy, excited, etc. But now...dancing is what is making me hurt, confused, and sad. I hate that I try so hard, and that I have such a passion for it, and I never seem to get any better. I never seem to be good at all, really. I understand that I am down on this now because of the fact that I did poorly at my mock competition last night, but it’s more than just that. It feels this way all the time. I feel like I’m doing well, and then something is there to evidence that I’m not improving at all. In the last 24 hours, I’ve gone from loving dancing more than anything and having hope that maybe I am getting better, that maybe I can do it, to considering not taking any more dance classes at all, and just being a normal college student and taking normal classes all the time. Why not? It’s not like I can do anything with all these credits and time I’m wasting taking all these dance classes.

I’m not sure what I’ll decide. I’m staying for Summer term to take dance classes...who knows if it’ll stay that way. Right now, I don’t want to, but that could change by tomorrow. I have 2 dance classes today, and all I know is that I don’t want to dance in either of them. It’s not like I won’t go, but I have a feeling they just won’t have the same...affect on me as they normally do. Dancing normally makes my day brighter, but today, it will only frustrate me.

Why does this happen?

1 comment:

Shawn and Cami and Max said...

Don't beat yourself up. Everyone struggles with anything they enjoy. You only need to find the spark you once had and rely upon your feelings; not someone's scorecard.

Good Luck, and keep your chin up.