Sometimes I forget the title of my blog (see above). To be honest, sometimes it's not always the truth.
I learned a lesson this week. I've been without a job for about 2 months now I think. Well, this is kind of a lie. I do in fact have a job, but I only work about 5-8 hours a week there. And I really don't enjoy the work that I do, which makes it even more difficult to go in and log hours.
Kagan has a job (or 2) but it's still been really stressful on me (to say the least) not having a job and not really having an income. Not only has it been stressful, but also very frustrating, because I just don't know where to look for one anymore. To top it off, I'm tired of having jobs that I hate, so I've been kind of selective with what I want to do. I also would rather not get another job on campus, because I'll lose it in December when I graduate and be right back where I am now.
I've got a lot going against me, to say the least.
A few nights ago, I had I think the worst breakdown I've ever had. I didn't know what to do. Every option Kagan gave me, I had some kind of excuse for of why I couldn't do it (campus job: be unemployed again in December. Find a job on craigslist: that's what I've been trying to do for the last 2 months and I haven't even gotten one call about any of them. Try out substitute teaching: school is out for the summer. The list goes on and on). It felt (and still feels) completely hopeless. I still have absolutely no idea what to do.
However, after the breakdown, Heavenly Father decided he wanted me to know what's going on. No, that's an overstatement. Heavenly Father decided he was sick of hearing me complain. So he told me (multiple times, actually) to learn to be happy about this. Learn to be happy with the 5 hour a week job that I have. Learn to be happy sitting in my house mostly all day, every day, alone. Learn to be happy feeling like I'm not contributing anything.
I've set some goals, made a conscious effort, and I'm going into a new week. As Miss Stacey/Anne says, "Tomorrow is fresh, with no mistakes in it...yet." Wish me luck as I learn a lesson which will take me to a place that I probably hadn't anticipated.
Also I get to go home next weekend, and stay for nearly a week! I'm so excited! :)