Saturday, May 16, 2009


I just spent a fair amount of time reading the blog of a girl I do not know. I don't even know where to begin.

From what I can gather, this girl is 24, unmarried, fat (her words, not mine), and completely and utterly unhappy. Why is she unhappy? From what I've read in her blogs, it is because not only is she unmarried, but she's completely undesirable and un-dateable. She keeps an official tally of how many dates she's been on, and it's "embarrassingly low." There were four posts on her blog: one about a completely failed date (her first, and "not her fault that it was so bad"), one about her failures at cooking, another about another completely terrible date (also, probably "not her fault"). And then the fourth was dedicated to describing the characters in the book Pride and Prejudice, and how every girl in this world can associate herself with one of the main female characters. For those who aren't familiar with the characters (and with this girl's description of them), a brief synopsis:

-Jane: the eldest sister, meek and beautiful, but not vain.

-Lizzie: headstrong and beautiful, also not vain. Both Jane and Lizzie attract men like flies to..well, you know.

-Mary: plain, untalented, and doomed to forever be a spinster. Unnoticed by all men because of her plainness, and...well, I'll just give you the girl's words: "And since beauty (or "hotness") is the only thing guys really care about, she is often left out in the cold."

-Kitty: pretty, boy-crazy, and vain. Also, a follower--she does whatever her younger sister, Lydia does.

-Lydia: the youngest of the sisters, boy-crazy, stylish, fashionable, and beautiful: and she knows it. Lydia attracts men, partially because she practically throws herself at them.

Her next statement is rather depressing:
"I am a modern Mary Bennett. I feel like I do have talents and interests, which I try to develop, but in the end, I am plain, and thus undesirable. So I am stuck here, living alone with my parents and family. And I don't see it changing anytime soon."

Wow. I can't believe that someone could possibly be so...self-loathing, perhaps? Bitter, definitely. This woman has to be one of the most depressing people to be around, ever. And this is not because of her personality, and *certainly* not solely because of her looks. Why, do you ask?

Because she cannot see any good in herself.

If she wonders why guys do not like her, perhaps she should stop looking in the mirror and start reading her blog. Someone so cynical and bitter about her life, her looks, and herself has decreased her attractiveness exponentially. I find it hard to believe that a guy has never liked her. She simply refuses to believe that she could possibly be desirable.

I have wanted to write this post for a couple of days, but haven't. And surprisingly, this blog was what prompted me to write. The purpose of this post is not to criticize this girl, although she does need help. My purpose in writing is this: if we do not like the circumstances we have been given, we can either wallow in our misery, or create the situations that we want.

First, I think something that has a huge effect on our lives, and not just in situations like this, is our attitude. Life isn't about the situations that are given to us; it's how we react to them. You can choose your attitude at all times. Someone cannot make you mad, you choose to be. And on the opposite end of the spectrum, someone cannot make you happy without you first consenting to let their actions affect you in that way. You choose your reaction, and then you live with the consequences of your reaction.

Second, we cannot be passive. If you don't like something, do something about it! Don't sit around and wait for someone else to take the initiative to do it for you. It may never get done. Be your own person. Act for yourself. I'm not saying to act in all your selfish desires, but remember that you control your life. Be the person who recognizes that, and uses it to his or her full advantage.

As a college student, I see both ends of this spectrum. I see people who don't try in classes, and complain when they get bad grades. How quickly the world owes them something, when they happen to be a noncontributing zero. But I also see those who actually try. They make an effort, and often, see their efforts rewarded. As always, there are those all in between, but I think it's the outliers who make the difference.

Be the person you want to be. Take control of your life. And most importantly, have fun with whatever situations you are in. Once again--your attitude is the key.

*Note: don't think that I'm an expert at this. It's simply something I've been thinking about lately.


Jared Heath said...

Funny thing about the word "expert" - it denotes experience. We'll all have a different perception, but I think your explanation is powerful if only because the passion in this posting is what empowers you.

Your emotion drove your words, but your sentiments are what inspired you. Your drive is one thing I love about you. :)

ellie said...

remember when we were little and always fighting and dad always said that we can choose to be happy or sad or angry or whatever? we had good parents. at the time i thought it was dumb but what an amazing life lesson we were taught at such a young age.

Hailee said...

read this blog
similar feelings