Secret #7

Have you ever received (or seen) a text such as this?

"Its cool sou like ball thats cool soil b29 nov7th im waitin4a job2 open up@ the u of u fora cardiology tech soi quit my job awhile back when my sister n her hubby hada baby he had2 go back2 work right away soi helped her outa lot soi live with my parents i had2 move ini couldnt afford rent without workin while i took care of my sis n her baby she was not well@ having ethan soi had2b their alot but alls good now soim hanging out waiting4a job2 open up iluv2b active workout camping dancing im gonna start taking acting classes iluv2 watch tv movies funny movies spooky ones2 iluv boating i wanna geta 4 wheeler really bad iluv2 talk alot get2 know other people get2 gether witha buncha people ndo whatever just hangout tell me@u"

(This is an actual text, copied from a blog that I read. I will not attempt to translate it.)

Or, how about some of these "cookie cutter texts" I found on a website?

"D thief stole a calNdA . He got 12 Mths" (The thief stole a calendar. He got 12 months)

"yday I seen ur splitting img, he/she lOkd jst lk U!!!!" (Yesterday I seen (yes, seen) your spitting image, he/she looked just like you!!1superfluous exclamation points!!)

"wht doez a 6T year old mn wair boxrz or briefz ? depends" (This one is supposed to be a joke, apparently. It says: "What does a 60 year-old man wear, boxers or briefs? Depends." This one really gets me, and with one simple word: wair. WAIR.)

Or, perhaps you've seen something like this, on popular networking sites like Facebook, MySpace, or Twitter:

"GRUDGeS aRe a wasTe Of tRuE haPpInEsS (LAUGH) wHeN u CAN aND ApOlOgIzE wHeN u sHOuLd AND *****LET***** Go oF wHatEvER U CANT cHaNG3 LoVe DeePLy aNd fORgive aUiCKlY...take CHANCES..(GIvE) EVERYTHING..AND HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO *REgReTs* LifE is waY tO shOrT tO bE UNHAPPY..tAkE In The gOod wIth tHE baD anD (smil3) WheN uR saD lOVE wHat U geT aNd alWayS rEmeBeMBR wHat U had...U sHOuLD aLwaYS fORgive But NeVer fORgeT LeaRN fROm ur MIsTakES...pEOplE cHaNGe AND tHIngS gO wRonG bUt aLwaYS remeMbeR liFe GoeS on...sO lAUgh ouT loUd anD loVe wiTh aLL uR ♥ AnD NevEr TAke ANyTHinG for GranTeD."

I think that's enough. That one is also real, by the way, and it's only about a tenth of the entire paragraph/run-on sentence written by this girl. However, I had to copy it on here by hand; it only took me about 20 minutes. I think the girl who wrote it had her epileptic little brother press the shift key at random when she was typing. Speaking from experience, this is certainly NOT the most convenient, easy, or natural way to type. Why anyone would willingly choose to do it is so far beyond me, I have absolutely no hope to ever understand it.

Another of these fads that I don't understand is adding letters to words that don't change the way the word sounds. For example:

activeeee (active)

friendddd (friend)
crazzzzy (crazy)

gayyy (gay)

You notice that these letters are often at the ends of words. There are a lot of possibilities, but my brain hurts just coming up with those three words.

Along the same lines, people will add letters to the word that actually would change the way it sounds, but apparently those letters don't actually change the sound of the word:

Yessssss

Hollaaaaaa

Woooooooooot

Another trend I don't seem to understand is the shift from pluralizing a word with the letter 's' to doing it with a 'z'. When did this happen? More importantly, who decided it was okay?? (E.G. LOLZCATZ)

This next trend, I'll have to admit, I was once a part of. It's the "lol" trend. For those who read this blog and don't know what it means (aka my mom), 'lol' stands for 'laughing out loud', and is yet another texting/chatting lingo that should be banned. It's overused, and hardly ever used in a context where laughing out loud would actually be something happening in the situation. For example, a Facebook status from an unnamed friend of mine: "[Name] says: If anyone knows someone leavin back for provo after christmas let me know! I need a ride back to school!! Lol. :)" I hardly doubt this person would be laughing out loud if he/she couldn't find a ride back to school. It just doesn't fit with the context of the sentence or topic at all. I think 'lol' has become the 'like' or 'um' of the texting world. Don't know what to say? Can't think of something witty? No worries, you have an easy solution. Just respond with "Lol," it works every time.

Wrong.

And people wonder why their kids can't spell, write (like a normal human being), communicate, or graduate from high school.